I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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