I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
