It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
