i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
