my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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