Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
