Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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