I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
