my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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