I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
