i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
