I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
