I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think I just sharted jello shots
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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