Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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