How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
