Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
