Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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