i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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