So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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