Please, let me fuck your mom
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
