You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
