Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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