so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
