his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
