wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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