apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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