the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
