I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
