allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
