Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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