Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
