i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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