Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
