I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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