I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
