This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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