I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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