We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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