were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
