He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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