I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I supernannyed him into submission
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
