i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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