Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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