Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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