what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
