I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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