how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
