but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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