Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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