You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
we should paint friendship bongs
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