I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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