Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
